When Truth is Funnier Than Fiction

A Reason To Smile

I love a good twist, and this one is a whopper. It is why we are taking a departure from our usual music-focused A Reason to Smile this week.

“The Onion Wins Bid to Buy Infowars, Alex Jones’s Site, Out of Bankruptcy,” is a headline from Thursday’s New York Times. When I saw it, I thought, could this be a joke? Apparently the idea started as one.

As you may be aware, Alex Jones, the far-right conspiracy theorist and shiller of fake news, was ordered to pay $1.5 billion to the families of the children murdered in a mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary. He lost a defamation lawsuit brought by the families because he viciously, erroneously, and repeatedly claimed that the 2012 shooting was “completely fake,” “manufactured,” “staged,” “synthetic,” and “a giant hoax” perpetrated to take away Americans’ guns. 

The depravity of someone to prey on these people, whose first-graders were gunned down in their classrooms, is beyond comprehension. Jones has knowingly spewed hateful and hurtful lies for decades, just to make a shiny dime. He has been banned from every major social media platform, except — you guessed it — X. 

No surprise, Jones declared bankruptcy after he lost in court. A federal bankruptcy judge then ordered the liquidation of his assets, including the lucrative website Infowars, to pay his debt to the families. Jones has worked tirelessly for the past six years to shelter his money and keep it out of the reach of the grieving families he harmed.

The Onion has long satirized America’s lack of will to end mass shootings. Its most famous headline is about just that: “‘No Way to Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens.” Ben Collins, the publication’s CEO, said the idea to buy the website started as a joke but quickly turned into a possibility. 

As the deal took shape, the Sandy Hook families “agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value” of the site. The amount The Onion agreed to pay at the closed auction has not been disclosed. There was one other bidder, a Jones-affiliated company, that made a higher bid, but the judge chose The Onion because of the families’ concessions. 

The Onion plans to relaunch the site in January as “parody of itself that mocks weird internet personalities.” The gun-control advocacy group Everytown for Gun Safety, which was born out of the Sandy Hook tragedy, will have an exclusive advertising deal when the site is relaunched.

“This is going to be our answer to this no-guardrails world where there are no gatekeepers and everything’s kind of insane,” Collins told The Times.

Of course, The Onion covered their own story.

“Infowars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses. With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can’t even put a man on the moon.”

In a statement, Robbie Parker, whose daughter Emilie was killed at Sandy Hook, said, “The world needs to see that having a platform does not mean you are above accountability — the dissolution of Alex Jones’ assets and the death of Infowars is the justice we have long awaited and fought for.”

The irony is rich, the tweak to Jones is beyond well-deserved, the despicable site is silenced.

One note: The federal bankruptcy judge has temporarily paused the sale because lawyers for Jones took issue with how the auction was conducted. The judge seemed skeptical but agreed to a hearing next week. The site remains shut down. 

So, a reason to smile this week to see justice served on a satirical plate.

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Stay Steady,
Dan